Being called ‘pastor’ by someone when I am not actually their pastor is cloying. The relationship of Pastor and Congregant is a special and intimate one in which there is mutual submission. It is not a title I allow just anyone to call me — because I take it seriously. I am not part of a class bearing the title ‘pastor’ which just anyone may invoke whenever they want to manipulate me. The term denotes, at its core, a two-way relationship, moreover, an agreed upon two-way relationship, and so is not a relationship I have with everyone. To hear someone, particularly some self-important piker who has never called me ‘pastor’ during 4 years of acquaintance, suddenly use it sarcastically to bully and berate me as if I am some doormat to be walked over – nauseates and bores and disappoints me.
Now this outburst of outrage is not about forgiveness or love, it is about trust. You can’t trust someone who just wants to use you for their affirmation, or who seeks to dominate you. No time on my docket for the idle-rich-elder as manipulating-bully.
Barging into others’ space uninvited, not wanting to understand, never asking a question, quick to bring out the law. Slow to exercise grace and liberty, quick to manipulate others. Believing the admiration of their obsequious hirelings, they are pitious.
The type is so common because the men who lead in our churches are all too often chosen for reasons which have more in common with the office of homecoming king than that of Christian Shepherd.
Ask this: if you just worked driving a potato chip truck, would you be elected elder in this church? Not on your life!
It’s really quite unfortunate, but there exists a surfeit of persons out there, certain ‘big-shots’ who use the term ‘pastor’ only selectively and passive-aggressively, especially when what they REALLY mean to say is, ‘You’re the help, and I pay the bills.’
Musings from WinDSwept Junction 
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