Polity Definitions in Dairyland

Session:

1. A group of older men whose professions have nothing to do with shepherding the flock, yet are impressive enough to get them elected as elders.

2. A group of older men whose function is to ensure that the church will continue to use only those methods of ministry their fathers used in the Continental denomination in which were raised and which has since gone completely to seed and is now mired in wokeness.

Session Meeting:

A gathering of Session members for the purpose of Gossip, Pious Puffery, Obstruction, and Considering proposals which will later be subject to their wives’ ratification.

Elder:

A functionary who sits on a session whose primary purpose is to perpetuate itself, to exclude innovation, to remain unteachable, to resist change and to keep the minister from doing his job.

Moderator of the Session:

A CEO (Crypto-Evangelical Oligarch) in the church whose sole purpose is to avoid adhering to the Form of Government, Directory of Worship and Book of Discipline.

Jurisdiction

The mandate to avoid prosecuting the incompetence and deception of elders who abuse their power as presbytery members so that the pettifogging milquetoast ministerial members pf the presbytery can focus on pillorying faithful and straight talking ministers who actually Bible men.